She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
