i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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