don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
