we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
