I am puke
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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