i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
