You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
