She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
