it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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