NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
