he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
