I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Who died my cat blue again?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
