I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
40s are totally the cure
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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