The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's never too late to be topless.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
be right there i have to get my cape
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
