listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize