dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
