WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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