Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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