SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
