So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize