OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
