just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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