When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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