She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
