I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
