McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
