Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
