I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
