My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
