he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
