It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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