so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize