Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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