Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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