So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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