I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize