Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
whose ass print is on the piano?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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