Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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