living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize