my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
