Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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