I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
