Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
