in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
