Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
