drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
