She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
