i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
