I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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