went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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