OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
