I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
