Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
