I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
