you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just found puke in my bra..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
