It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
