I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
