I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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