I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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