i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I die, sorry about rent.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
