i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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