More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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