i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
