I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
