Your face is a jimmy john
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
