I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
