A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
