got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
