Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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