But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
