boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
