I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
