My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize