is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
