my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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