do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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