Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
