You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
