Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize